Lessons learned

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Dear diary,

No need to get into the details, but people are assholes especially in SL where they think they can get away with it.

Lessons learned this week:

There are a lot of judgmental people out there, especially of those of us who are involved in the sex industry in SL. All I can say is if you want to judge me, don’t base it on what I do in SL. Judge me on the way I treat other people. That’s right, we’re all people here with real feelings, not one dimensional avatars on your screen.

And speaking of avatars, I love beautiful things. I love a well put together avatar that is pleasing to the eye. I appreciate the effort that goes into creating your look and putting your personality into it. However, you can have the most beautiful avatar, the best mesh body, bento heads, hair and everything, but that’s just good looking pixels with no substance. The way you treat people says it all. Being a jerk, liar, a catty bitch or a general all around asshole makes you FUGLY.

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Storytellers

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Fuck one dimensional pixel sex. Let’s write our own story together. Let’s find each other in cyberspace and allow our unique narrative to unfold. Let’s create a temporary reality, a sensual and seductive escape, a secret space that will exist only for us, where we will tickle each other’s tired senses, and coax our deepest desires and longing from each other. Sensual and raw, fluid and effortless, ours will be a vivid reflection of the erotic yearnings, we dare show no other. Let’s build our own erotic fantasy and breath some creativity into our tired souls. Let’s bask in our glorious togetherness before we reluctantly drift back into reality. Let’s sync our individual stories into one, weaving together our deepest secret desires and when we reach our mutual conclusion, let’s start on the next chapter.

The Introverted Girl’s Guide to Second Life Femdom

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It’s been a few weeks since I have updated this blog. I’ve been busy going through a transformation from introverted and shy Lone Wolf to novice Second Life Dominatrix. It’s been a lot of fun. I’m still a huge noob but I have learned a few things that I thought were worth sharing for any other women out there interested in exploring their Domme side in Second Life.

Aside from the obvious things like investing in latex and some good BDSM furniture and props, attitude is the most important thing I think so here is what I have learned so far:

  1. Be submissive first

It seems like this doesn’t make sense but in my experience, knowing what it’s like to be the Sub is lesson number one in being Dominant. Personally, I wouldn’t want to do anything to another person that I haven’t experienced myself so this is a no brainer.

I enjoy being both so that makes me a Switch. It’s fun to trade roles with play partners and experiential learning is the best. If you can find a Dom/Domme to guide you, even better. (I don’t have one but I’m open to possibilities)

2.  Be Empathetic

So I’m a total novice but to me this type of relationship is all about Trust. Showing yourself to be trustworthy means being empathetic, which ties in to my first point up above. If you’re a naturally hyper sensitive person like me, use this as your strength and be tuned into your sub and imagine what it’s like to be in their shoes. Empathy is a good life skill in any situation.

3. Practice being dominant as much as possible

Even when you’re not in a role-play, with your latex Domme catsuit, whips and chains or whatever, I have found that practicing being dominant and assertive in my day to day activities in SL and in RL to be super helpful in building my confidence and getting comfortable with my inner Domme. This doesn’t mean being a bitch. It could mean contacting a creator on Marketplace about a purchase you felt ripped off by (in a kind and diplomatic way of course), or sending your order back at Starbucks if they got it wrong. Like I said earlier, I’m super sensitive and I normally wouldn’t bother with things like this, but not anymore.

4.  Be non-judgmental

Don’t judge anyone for being submissive and what kind of kinks they have that you may not understand. It takes a lot for a person to trust and tell you their most intimate thoughts and desires. Be curious, but don’t judge.

5.  Femdom and Feminism don’t necessarily go hand in hand

I am a Feminist, so naturally my approach to Femdom is heavily influenced by that. I am learning that not everyone believes the same and it was my mistake to make that assumption. Save yourself the disappointment, and remember that just like everyone is in SL for different reasons, so are those that identify as Dominant Women. Everyone has different beliefs and reasons and it’s ok if it doesn’t reconcile with your own. It has to be okay because there’s nothing you can do about it. I have more to write about this topic for another blog post.

So there you have it. I’m learning and discovering another part of myself that I haven’t explored before. Who knows, maybe I will even venture out of Second Life and into this lifestyle in the real world one of these days.

The L Word

I am a deeply passionate person. I am also highly empathetic, which for most of my life felt like more of a curse than a blessing. I like spending time with people, getting to know them and making meaningful connections. I crave real intimacy with others and if you truly understand what I mean by that, it’s not all about sex or getting off on kinky things. This is the main reason why I am a skeptic when it comes to declarations of love.

It’s not a word I use casually and it surprises me how so many use it so non-chalantly. I don’t claim to know what others are really feeling, but it strikes me as disingenuous to drop the L word after you have known each other for a short time. Even in SL time, a few days or a week is way too soon and for me, it’s meaningless. I mean, I get that being intimate with someone and sharing your secret fantasies takes a certain level of trust and willingness to let yourself be vulnerable, but does this translate to love?

Maybe I’ve hardened after 9 years in SL. I’ve been fooled before and fallen for grand declarations of love only to have my heart broken. Maybe I have just become a big old cynic.

One thing I know for sure is that if I’m dropping the L word, you will already know how I feel by my actions over time, that I am for real and not just playing at a game with a stranger on the other side of my computer.

Fuck the patriarchy

So I quit my job at one so-called “high class” escort club. Too many fucking rules and demanding, entitled customers ruining my fun. So I found some freelance clubs to work at. They aren’t the classiest places and this doesn’t guarantee that I won’t get shitty customers, but at least I can make my own rules. My body (even though I am pixels), my rules. I make my own decisions. I’ve had enough of entitled men telling me what to do and how to do it. And I still make good $L’s if not more now. So they can all go fuck themselves for free if they want.

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More to love

In the real world, monogamy is the default for relationship standards which I think is unrealistic. I mean, it’s a lot to expect that one person can fulfill all of your needs for the rest of your life. It’s big expectations to put on one person, which in my experience, has led to big disappointment and heartache.

So polyamory sounded like something I wanted to explore within the safe confines of SL. When you are conditioned to believe that monogamy is the default, it takes a lot to figure out how to navigate this kind of relationship while being open and honest and aware of yours and your partners feelings. It’s a lot more work than I expected. Or, it seems like a lot more work because the level of honesty and communication required to make it work is not something that I or most people are used to. It requires stepping out of your comfort zone on a regular basis and in all honesty, it’s completely exhausting. The thought has crossed my mind…is it worth it?

And then I think of the level of intimacy I feel with particular persons, and I say that it is nothing like I have ever experienced before. I’m not talking about sexual intimacy, although that can be a part of it, but not all of it. It’s about feeling so connected and close to another person, in ways that I didn’t think were possible, especially not out in the real world. I feel that it’s safe to let my guard down and show parts of myself that have been locked away for ages.

I’ve never been one to feel at a loss for words, but right now I am finding it difficult to fully articulate my thoughts and feelings about this.

I have a lot of work to do within myself about my own judgments and shame about exploring this part of myself. For the first time in my life I am contemplating the concept that maybe it’s okay to freely love more. Maybe I really can have all or more of my emotional needs fulfilled in an intimate relationship, and maybe it’s ok that it’s not with just one person. Maybe.

Dear diary, I had my first threesome

Well, not my actual first but first in a very long time and my first threesome as a working professional.

It was…wild, exciting, exhilarating, nerve wracking, erotic, sensual, sexy and totally unexpected. I felt unprepared but I figured the opportunity was there so why not? When I first came back to SL I told myself I wanted this time around to be completely different, and it certainly has been unfolding in some very unexpected ways.

I feel……sensual, sexy, free and completely uninhibited.

I don’t know what is more addicting…the fun sexy time and the high I feel afterwards, or the $L’s I get paid for it.