It’s been a few weeks since I have updated this blog. I’ve been busy going through a transformation from introverted and shy Lone Wolf to novice Second Life Dominatrix. It’s been a lot of fun. I’m still a huge noob but I have learned a few things that I thought were worth sharing for any other women out there interested in exploring their Domme side in Second Life.
Aside from the obvious things like investing in latex and some good BDSM furniture and props, attitude is the most important thing I think so here is what I have learned so far:
- Be submissive first
It seems like this doesn’t make sense but in my experience, knowing what it’s like to be the Sub is lesson number one in being Dominant. Personally, I wouldn’t want to do anything to another person that I haven’t experienced myself so this is a no brainer.
I enjoy being both so that makes me a Switch. It’s fun to trade roles with play partners and experiential learning is the best. If you can find a Dom/Domme to guide you, even better. (I don’t have one but I’m open to possibilities)
2. Be Empathetic
So I’m a total novice but to me this type of relationship is all about Trust. Showing yourself to be trustworthy means being empathetic, which ties in to my first point up above. If you’re a naturally hyper sensitive person like me, use this as your strength and be tuned into your sub and imagine what it’s like to be in their shoes. Empathy is a good life skill in any situation.
3. Practice being dominant as much as possible
Even when you’re not in a role-play, with your latex Domme catsuit, whips and chains or whatever, I have found that practicing being dominant and assertive in my day to day activities in SL and in RL to be super helpful in building my confidence and getting comfortable with my inner Domme. This doesn’t mean being a bitch. It could mean contacting a creator on Marketplace about a purchase you felt ripped off by (in a kind and diplomatic way of course), or sending your order back at Starbucks if they got it wrong. Like I said earlier, I’m super sensitive and I normally wouldn’t bother with things like this, but not anymore.
4. Be non-judgmental
Don’t judge anyone for being submissive and what kind of kinks they have that you may not understand. It takes a lot for a person to trust and tell you their most intimate thoughts and desires. Be curious, but don’t judge.
5. Femdom and Feminism don’t necessarily go hand in hand
I am a Feminist, so naturally my approach to Femdom is heavily influenced by that. I am learning that not everyone believes the same and it was my mistake to make that assumption. Save yourself the disappointment, and remember that just like everyone is in SL for different reasons, so are those that identify as Dominant Women. Everyone has different beliefs and reasons and it’s ok if it doesn’t reconcile with your own. It has to be okay because there’s nothing you can do about it. I have more to write about this topic for another blog post.
So there you have it. I’m learning and discovering another part of myself that I haven’t explored before. Who knows, maybe I will even venture out of Second Life and into this lifestyle in the real world one of these days.